Through all those years of misery, there was always a knowing. It was a quiet voice that wanted to be heard. But I ignored it. I had no confidence in myself. I was a failure. My life was hell- torture.
I searched for relief, begged for moments of peace. The cloud would sometimes lift a little and I remember, very clearly, thinking that when I didn't listen to my intuition things would go bad.
At the time, I was living with my boyfriend who was off on tour with his band. He was cheating on me with a member of another band that he was touring with. I felt it in my body but I would not allow myself to believe it. The truth was eventually exposed and I was brought back to that initial thought- I clearly saw that I was ignoring my inner voice, and that by ignoring it, things were getting worse.
I recalled some previous relationships where I was told to stop predicting everything that was going to happen in their lives. I hadn't even realized that I was doing it.
The memories came pouring in. All my life I had known things. I thought other people did too. It seems they didn't.
I only had a vague idea about what intuition was. I did know, however, that I had it and that it was correct about a lot of things. I knew that it had something to do with my happiness and unhappiness.
Now, at the age of 42, I can look back and see all the suffering that was caused by my inability to listen to my intuition.
I was messed up. My mind would spin out of control with worry and fear.
At the age of 35 I vowed to myself that I would fix my life.
I took responsibility for my self and started listening.
Now I listen. I refuse to ignore the voice.
My internal guidance has brought me many gifts and many opportunities to explore and expand the boundless opportunities for growth and discovery.
Life has become a flow. There is an ease, a gentleness, a beauty.
Things aren't always easy, but I know that by listening, things are always right.