“They will move when I get to the edge of your energy field”. She walked towards me with the divining rods, they crossed a little over an arm’s length away. “Personal Space”, I thought.
This concept came to mind as I was walking a labyrinth with a bunch of other Deeksha Blessing Givers a few weeks back.
“Be aware. Be present.”
These were our instructions. I was one of the last few to enter. Trying to brush off distractions of my 6 year old Blessing Giver son, I was quickly reminded of how I dislike walking behind people. I will almost always walk to the front of a group. I take big strides. I don’t want anyone in my way. Aware of the few people behind me, I thought about how I may look to them. The path was narrow and uneven, my footing not always sure. I didn’t want to hold anyone up, but the person in front of me was immersed in his own experience and I had to pace myself.
The moments when there was an open stretch in front of me felt so good, so free. I felt happy and relaxed. Then I would catch up and feel a bit agitated. I hoped the people behind me could see that it was not I who was slowing them down.
“I don’t like people in my way”, I thought. But where was I going? This was a walking meditation. “Be aware. Be present.” Moments of presence came and left. My boy was running around, giggling. I wanted to run around, too. Run far ahead of everybody. I like having no one around, no one crowding my space. “I’m at a ONENESS event! Haha! So, I’m at a Oneness event and I want to distance myself from people. Okay."
We walked for an hour, probably. Winding around the labyrinth, I also noticed how my energy field would react when a person came near or passed through it. There was anticipation and curiosity when people approached. I noticed I would sometimes tense up. Some people felt delightful, others flat. I wondered if they could feel me. I was aware of my hands and my feet, the curve in my neck. I started out with my hands in the position I learned at the zen center, but eventually let them fall to my side. I tried different steps, varying the amount of time and approach with which my feet touched the ground. It was ever changing. I could see that the way I experienced this labyrinth was a reflection of my everyday life.
The warm sun, the grass touching my bare feet, distractions, awareness, the open path, obstacles, bumps, the trees, space, others… wanting to run and be free. Why don’t I feel the Oneness? I’ve seen the wispy webs connecting us all. I know it’s there. Yet, I still feel separate. I still identify with the self. I still want certain people out of my space.
Why do I think it’s my space?